A New Direction - Solitude

“I've never been lonely. I've been in a room -- I've felt suicidal. I've been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all -- but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me...or that any number of people could enter that room. 

In other words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered with, because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. It's being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. 

I'll quote Ibsen, "The strongest men are the most alone." 
I've never thought, "Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I'll feel good." No, that won't help. 

You know the typical crowd, "Wow, it's Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?" 

Well, yeah. Because there's nothing out there. It's stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I've never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn't want to hide in factories. That's all. 

Sorry for all the millions, but I've never been lonely. I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I have. Let's drink more wine!”
- Charles Bukowski

A few months ago I met a man just like Charles Bukowski. We went on a few dates together, but nothing more developed, until I reached crisis point and felt the urge to contact him.

I don't know why I chose him to help me lift myself up again, but I'm glad I did.

So far, he has been the only one, who didn't pounce on me, pursued me, lied to me and made empty promises to win me over. He has never - and I know he won't ever - treat me like a conquest. 

I simply feel safe with him as a friend.

Within only a short time, he changed my perception and attitude towards solitude and being consciously single rather than throwing myself into doomed love affairs. 

For the first time after two years of drifting, I'm feeling quite content.

The realisation that you need to be entirely happy on your own, being your own best friend and loving every minute of it can only come from within. You need to feel it rather than being told by others.

Sometimes, a special person helps you make that shift, not by telling you to do it, but by making you feel it. 

It can be just a brief encounter that changes everything, and the transformation begins...