Dating Tip: Why You Need To Talk About Sex

Oh dear, I'm mentioning sex again, even though I don't want to, but I feel I have to...

You see, my recent dating adventure has made me think.

I have realised that often the main reason, why relationships fail in their early stages is because people don't talk about their sexual preferences before they jump into bed together.

Now, I recently met this really nice guy, and we got on so well together. We went for meals, for walks in the countryside, on a night out...we held hands...and then he asked:

"What do you like in bed?"

I responded with an embarrassed giggle despite my age, but I did manage to come up with some suggestions on how he could make me happy in bed.

And then it was his turn to tell me...

Saying that I was disappointed would be an understatement.

Needless to say we realised that despite enjoying each other's company on a social level, we were sexually incompatible.

*Sigh*

At least I found out before anything else happened, and I learned a useful lesson in the process.

Until this moment, I had naively assumed that when you are attracted to each other and get on well together, everything will work fine in the bedroom department, too.

Wrong.

It might be embarrassing, strange or awkward, but it is important to talk about sex with your date before it happens, if you feel it's going into that direction.

Especially women need to overcome their shyness and be open and frank about it, otherwise they will just get hurt.

It's all well and good enjoying each other's company, but sexual compatibility is equally important, otherwise the relationship won't last long.

So, here's my advice:

find out about what the other likes in bed before you let them close. This way you save yourself a lot of heartache.

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Summer Love

“I'm choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am. I'm making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet-to-come surprises.” 

“Yet what keeps me from dissolving right now into a complete fairy-tale shimmer is this solid truth, a truth which has veritably built my bones over the last few years--I was not rescued by a prince; I was the administrator of my own rescue.”

“One must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.”

“The Bhagavad Gita—that ancient Indian Yogic text—says that it is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection. 

So now I have started living my own life. Imperfect and clumsy as it may look, it is resembling me now, thoroughly.”

I am currently reading: Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

And I am listening to fabulous Italian Pop like this:




"The strongest actions for a woman is to love herself, be herself and shine amongst those who never believed she could." Anon


Here's to a fabulous Summer!

Why Dating A Married Man Is Not A Good Idea

As you know from my previous post, I've started dating again after my breakup back in February.

Meeting men online is easy, but before I meet anyone of them face-to-face, they need to pass my correspondence test:

• If their spelling and grammar is bad, or they can only string a few words together in a message using "txt spk", then I'm not interested.
• Contents of their messages is also key - being polite, open and expressing compassion and genuine interest are important indications to whether these men are honest and worth meeting in person.
• And then of course, their reliability is reflected in how quickly they reply and how often and regularly they get in touch.

So, I've been dating one of these men, who passed my initial test, and I have really enjoyed my time with him.

Nothing more than holding hands and the odd kiss happened, as I was still figuring him out. And to get to know him better, I decided to visit him at his house for a cup of afternoon tea.

So glad I did. As soon as I walked into his living room, I knew he was still married and living with his family. Rather than being worried about falling into the hands of a serial killer, I nearly fell for a married man, a cheat.

He quickly admitted that he was lying on his dating profile, and also added that he was so unhappy in his marriage.

Thank the Gods I wasn't in love with him. I can only imagine the terrible dilemma women must be facing in this position being hopelessly in love with such a man.

Of course, the most sensible thing to do is to walk away from such a relationship before it's even started, and trust me, I've already turned my back on it for the following reasons:

• I don't want to be the "other woman" he can play around with
• his family will always come first (quite rightly so), and he could dump me at any moment
• I don't want to be a home wrecker and hurt innocent people (his family) in the process
• he will never leave his family, and I would never want that anyway
• I want a genuine, honest relationship with no secrets like that

Rather than blowing my top because of his deceit, I advised him to have a chat with his wife and start sorting out his marriage. He certainly won't find a solution for his marital issues in my bed.

This has also made me wonder, how to spot a married man on a dating website. Here's what I've noticed:

• they are looking for "casual relationship" as well as "serious relationship". That's a suspicious contradiction; you either want something casual or something serious. If you're serious, you don't want anything casual.
• they like to contact women, who live further away, as they want to keep the affair as far away from their home as possible.
• they don't tend to put many photos of themselves on the dating website out of fear they could be recognised by someone, who knows them

So, girlfriend, be careful out there. Don't even consider becoming a mistress and emotionally vulnerable to the whims of a man, who cheats on his wife. 

You deserve so much better.

Have you ever been involved with a married man? Share your story. I'd love to hear from you.

Good Read!

“How can I be reasonable? To me our love was everything and you were my whole life. It is not very pleasant to realize that to you it was only an episode.” 

― W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil


“The desire to love someone always exceeds the desire to be loved by someone, and that's exactly why we end up loving the person who doesn't deserve that love.”
― Anirban Bose, Bombay Rains, Bombay Girls


“A love affair is like a short story--it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning was easy, the middle might drag, invaded by commonplace, but the end, instead of being decisive and well knit with that element of revelatory surprise as a well-written story should be, it usually dissipated in a succession of messy and humiliating anticlimaxes.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

Some Thoughts On Dating In Your 50s

I have noticed that women in their fifties often feel insecure about their age. They are wondering, if they are too old to go out dating.

Personally, I believe that it is never too late to go out and create the (love) life you desire.

You may be riddled with self-doubt, when you find yourself single again in your midlife years, but remember, there are also many men in your situation looking for new and lasting love.

It's simply a question of getting up, brushing yourself off and going out there to meet new people.

Before you make that conscious decision to find a new partner, you need to ensure that you are happy and content on your own. 

A good social circle helps, hobbies and interests you pursue in a group with like-minded souls, but also enjoying your own company in solitude at home.

I also cannot stress enough, how important it is to practice self-care. This includes a healthy diet, plenty of exercise and wearing clothes that make you feel good about yourself. 

Also, follow a beauty regime that takes into account your skin's condition, so you can counteract the ageing process as best as you can. You may need to change your skin care products, which you have been using for years; they might no longer be effective. You could ask a beautician or dermatologist for advice.

Dating in your fifties can be great fun. At your age you have experience, people knowledge, hopefully you are reasonably financially secure and independent. Even a child at home (my son is 14) should not be an obstacle. I've made sure, my son's father is doing his fair share of child-minding.

When you start looking for a new partner, don't get disheartened, if no one suitable crosses your path straight away. It takes time and patience. In my experience only about 1% of men on internet dating sites are worth meeting, and even when I do meet them, they're not necessarily knocking my socks off.

But I've been on two dates, and I'm happy to meet both again, although I doubt it will lead to anything more serious.

The reason, why I'll be meeting them again is that they're both such nice guys, I really did enjoy their company, and perhaps one of them will win my heart after all.

It can be scary and unsettling meeting men - strangers - on a date. You never know what to expect, but so far I've come to realise that most men also want the same as I do, i.e. finding someone to love.

There's nothing sinister about people, once you meet them in the flesh. But of course, it's always important to keep things safe and in public until you feel you can trust them.

Overall, dating in your fifties can be great fun and help you raise your confidence, self-esteem and find new love and companionship eventually.

You're NOT too old, NOT over the hill and it's NOT too late.

When To Start Dating Again After A Breakup

The ending of a relationship always causes emotional upheaval, from initial shock and disbelief to anger, depression and finally acceptance.

It depends on the individual, how long it takes to overcome the heartbreak, and in the initial stage of healing it is advisable, not to rush into a new relationship only to avoid feeling alone or fulfilling the need to be loved.

This knee-jerk reaction will most likely lead to more emotional turmoil later, so it's best avoided, when you still feel raw.

First, give yourself some time to get used to your new single status and learn to be happy on your own again. This could take a few weeks or perhaps even months, but it is important you take the time you need to get to the stage, where you feel reasonably content with your situation.

Even at this point, you may not yet be ready to embark on a serious relationship again, but perhaps you are ready to date and meet new people, initially for friendship only.

Take it slowly, get to know people and let them know your intention, so they are clear about where they stand. If there is someone amongst them, who is really interested in you, then they are prepared to wait until you're ready.

You will need time to learn to trust again, especially when you were let down by your previous partner. After all, you don't want to experience another relationship disaster so soon after the last one.

You can never be sure what the future holds with someone, but things look good, if the new person is

• always keeping in touch with you regularly and is reliable
• keen to spend as much time with you as possible 
• happy to introduce you to their circle of friends
• readily sharing personal information with you about family, work, past relationships etc.
• communicates clearly and isn't evasive
• showing that they care with little acts of affection

Looking for the good signs and experiencing them for a while will help you lower your risk of another disappointment.

Personally, I'm off on my first date on Sunday, nearly two months after my last breakup-nightmare. I have no intention to throw myself into a new relationship any time soon, but perhaps there is potential for the future.

He seems a great guy on paper, and I'm completely open-minded without any big expectations.

I actually do enjoy being on my own right now and feel liberated from the neediness of being in a relationship.

When I meet him, I'll just enjoy the time chatting, drinking coffee and getting to know him. And perhaps we'll meet again. Who knows?

This time, I'm determined to take it slow, and I'll make sure he knows that. If he doesn't like it, then that's tough for him, but not for me.

Hey girl, when you feel ready, you go for it.

Enjoy meeting new people, make new friends and have an interesting social life without emotional entanglement.

It's all part of the healing process. It builds confidence and self-esteem.

And one day, as if by magic and without trying hard, you know you are ready to be in love again, and it just feels right, when you meet someone new.